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Back then I only found confidence in the idea that I was going to die. So how did I snap out of it? by working on several behavioral layers that had an impact on my temperament, personality, whatever. Changed myself from the outside, because I couldnt really push from the inside.
On a span of many years, because I didnt do all at once:
– I was unconfident with the way I looked. I resorted to looking ten times as worse and dressing up with rugs like I was a kid from the streets, and learned to not give a fuck about it.
– I was unconfident about expressing my ideas. I enrolled on several poetry / literature courses where I was forced to read up my own stuff out loud and then take criticism (that people would provide with generosity because they were talking down to an omega), till I gave a shit about what everyone thought.
– I was unconfident receiving attention. I took a job as a design teacher where I had to talk to groups of students for 8+ hours a day, until I could thrive on it.
– I was unconfident leading people and dealing with money, I built a company and hired people, I went bankrupt twice, then learned about money, then became a guru on it .
– Then Game. Fuck my life, game. I was unconfident with women. I couldnt even do “cocky and funny” with women. I was so unconfident that I had to practice with men – manly banter. Then slowly with women. I was so unconfident I still could not perform because I cared too much. I took acting lessons and did all I could to be always surrounded by people and the “the guy” the girls had to talk to. Till it was second nature.
– I was unconfident having sex. So I banged two different new girls a week.